{Download} ⚣ Knocking on Heaven's Door: The Path to a Better Way of Death ß eBook or E-pub free

Based on her award winning New York Times Magazine article What Broke My Father s Heart which still can be found via online search , Katy Butler has written a powerful medical memoir I have read the pre release e version and wish the book could be released sooner than September as I would run out and buy copies to send to my siblings as we are currently facing some medical decisions to be made on behalf of our elderly parents who have major medical problems The author concentrates on the final years of her parents lives, bringing together the personal, emotional side with the medical labrynth greed side of eldercare She has done exhaustive research and shares staggering statistics We have the most advanced medical system on earth but in the end, it succeeds mainly in prolonging suffering Nobody wants to die plugged into machines but a fifth of American deaths now take place in intensive care Hospitals make efforts, no matter how futile, to prolong life it is a money game The author delves into the workings of law, morality, interference and financial incentives of a medical system that encourages over treatment A pacemaker inserted in the author s father would come to be one of the worst decisions to have made His heart well outlived his mind and his failing body The family s wishes to have this loved man die a dignified death are ignored The story is heartbreaking and not only broaches the subject of a patient s quality of life but also the life of the caregiver and the street saints estimated currently at 2 million in the U.S who come in to help providing companionship and indispensable relief for caregivers, for very little pay in a culture that is willing to shell out millions for high tech cures but little for companionship and quality of life comfort.This memoir is one that everyone should read as and of us will be faced with caring for loved ones as they approach death It has forever changed the way I think about life and prolonging it. If you have parents, you need to read this book Part memoir, part investigative journalism, Knocking On Heaven s Door by Katy Butler is a gorgeous and essential book In brief, Butler writes about caring for our parents as they age The truth is that, as modern medicine enables people to live longer and longer, often with poorer and poorer quality of life, the disproportionate burden of caretaking falls on daughters This is caretaking for those who have fallen through the cracks, neither so ill they receive treatment, but not quite ill enough to die, parents living in a limbo created by modern medicine, not family love.In Butler s case, her father had a pacemaker installed just about the time that he probably would have gracefully begun to decline into senility and death Instead, the pacemaker kept him alive, year after year, wearing his wife and daughter out despite their love for him And here s what makes the books so great While Butler does an excellent job as a journalist detailing the rise of modern medicine along with nifty devices like pacemakers and the problems they bring, she also describes her personal journey of love for her parents She s totally honest While she loves and admires them, they were clearly not easy parents on their children Butler s brothers barely come to visit Butler herself often ends visits by catching an early flight Butler does not sugarcoat anything Most of us have complicated relationships with our parents Butler reminds us that we will have to deal with this even as our parents die.In many ways, Butler s book reminds me of my own Both of us blend our personal experiences with letting someone die along with the state of modern medicine Both of us obviously believe that what makes the difference is paying enough attention to this final act in life that we can go through it with grace Even being similar, Butler s book gave me something new Halfway through the book, she describes her father in his dementia as if he were Tintern Abbey, the ruin described so beautifully by Wordsworth She writes, Never would I wish upon my father the misery of his final years But he was sacred in his ruin, and I took from it the shards that will sustain me Though we may resist the thought of our own parents dying, that image helped me To tend our parents as they once tended us, to tend others as we ourselves hope someday to be tended to, is indeed a sacred act. This is combination memoir, investigative journalism, and self help Its main thrust is permission to stand down.The author s father had already had a stroke and begun his final decline when he got a pacemaker so as to be able to withstand a hernia operation Then the pacemaker kept him going while he became progressively demented and dependent, and while caring for him drained her mother and arguably shortened her life The author explores the economic incentives and legal and emotional issues that trapped her father and family She brings the reader along on the journey, so sometimes I was crying while I read.As soon as I found out about this book I wanted to read it In the prior decade I took care of my parents during their final years, after they suddenly went from independent adulthood to dependence It wasn t hands on care in my case but all the decisions and moves, dealing with the medical establishment, eventually with their moving and closing down their home, and their finances, too, with which my husband blessedly helped Years earlier I had agreed in an embarrassed sort of way to be their executors while having no realistic idea what that would mean At first it seemed like just an initial crisis, once my mother, whom we had all thought would care for my father, went down first, but once the train got moving it chugged along for a decade, picking up speed Especially in my father s case, I just acceded to what the doctors said It sounds stupid, but I really didn t see alternatives So he had a lot of medical treatment what this book would call overtreatment for a condition that was not going to be cured In retrospect he could have had a much peaceful final three years with palliative care instead Of course, even if I had known all that at the time I still would have had to talk with him and his doctors to ascertain what he wanted But the fact is I really didn t believe my parents were going to die.Most of us no longer live in extended families or close knit towns we grew up in so we don t have the experience of seeing older relatives or friends at the end of life, or at least I didn t I had only seen my father in law, and my parents didn t look anything like he did, adding to my illusion And the medical establishment didn t help.So the big value of reading this book was for my husband and me We ve already begun to talk to our children.As I said at the beginning about permission to stand down, I think the main value of the book is getting prepared It s not enough to have the ordinary paperwork signed and the expressed wish against extraordinary measures both her parents and mine had that Beyond that, it s thinking that at some point one may decide not to have some device implanted or recommended surgery or investigative procedure that would imply treatment It s being prepared to ask questions and, perhaps, decline.I feel myself at an interim point now, not that old But would one always see oneself at that point As part of the local newspaper s current series on the problem of rural hospitals shutting their doors, I read this morning of a 79 year old woman who said she wouldn t be alive today if the hospital hadn t been there for her two years ago when she had a heart attack They didn t have to revive her but she did have a bypass, and now continues to run a bed and breakfast with a friend, according to the article, at least.We always used to hear how much better the American system of medicine is, how socialized medicine killed somebody s loved one, and how people from Canada and Europe came to the US for treatment they couldn t get at home And, of course, the political cry of death panels Finally the other side of the picture is emerging, with books like this and lots of articles and people daring to speak these truths.Here s the Ezekiel Emanuel article that came out while Knocking on Heaven s Door was still waiting on my To Be Read list s the NYT review of Atal Gawande s Being Mortal s an article that argues physicians know all this and make their own plans accordingly here s the original article that became the basis of Knocking on Heaven s Door. I spent 3 years a decade and a half ago taking care of my dying mother I wasn t sure I wanted to read this book it was a difficult time that I m generally happy to keep in the closet However, I took the plunge into Katy Butler s book, and found out that what I felt and went through was not unique and it was wonderful to hear echoes of what I experienced in her story She is very open with her feelings, and her frustrations, with her family, the tremendously mysterious and maddening medical army you must take on in the process of helping someone in decline and death though Butler finds ways around it as time goes by , and the modern version of dying that has taken all the sacred away and piled up too many procedures, patches, and invasive entrances to our bodies and our lives Butler, a Buddhist, believes that things can be different, and she shows us what is so wrong, and what can be righted, if we are willing to stand up for a better death This is a book that most people need to read, for their family and for themselves. Though this book deals with tough issues it is an absolute pleasure to read This riveting story of the author s loving journey with her parents through the labyrinth of modern medicine is one of the most courageous and beautifully written books I ve read in any genre Butler s honesty, humility, intelligence and compassion grabbed my heart from page one Her journalistic skills coupled with her talent as a writer combine to open our eyes and minds to choices we may not know we have until it is too late Yes, this is a book about a search for a better way of death, but it is so much It is a book about real life, true love and discovering the liberty to choose, told in an intimate family drama It is deeply moving, radically informative, uplifting and unforgettable Everyone should read this book. Here is what I think you should go out right now and pick up a copy of this book.Go on, I ll wait.The library, the bookstore, download it from Barnes and Noble or Whatever.I am totally serious.Fine Next time you are out and about Honestly, I found this book to be well written, well and quite thoroughly researched and footnoted , and unvarnished Unflinchingly, Butler discusses her parents declining health and ultimate demise, and dares to search out answers for questions both during their struggle and after The ultimate question of the book how can we help our loved ones die with dignity, as easily and painlessly as possible, without pushing them too early into the abyss Butler changed my view on several events in my own life, and how my older relatives have lived and are living their final years This would be a great book club book, but its only drawback is that you should probably not give it as a holiday present READ IT Having worked in emergency medicine I was interested in learning about a layman s view of end of life medical care Family members can have a difficult time letting go I have been called to homes where the patient was on hospice care and yet a family member panicked and called 911 anyway EMS has no choice but to respond I think that the most important point that the author makes is that the family needs to educate itself in order to make the most informed decisions in the best interest of their loved one and that end of life wishes need to be discussed while the loved one is still competent I tired of the author s vacillating between loving and hating her parents and I certainly could have done without her search for meaning She came across as a bit whiny to me I do agree with her though that there may come a time when the best thing to do is to just make your loved one comfortable and gather around to say good bye in the comfort of your home Find a physician who shares your wish that the patient die with dignity and as much comfort as possible, but once you introduce the patient into an emergency medical and or hospital situation realize that legal liability will dictate that all possible measures be taken It is not fair to become angry with the medical staff. Almost six months ago today I said goodbye to my 87 year old grandfather after what had been a few years of amazingly painful decline in his quality of life Katy Butler discusses the decline and dying process of her father in this book, and provided some truly eye opening information on what we as children grandchildren medical community insurance are doing in an effort to keep our loved ones alive, even though the life they are left with is not much life at all.Making decisions about end of life care are hard on everyone involved in the process, and while Knocking on Heaven s Door was tough to read in many parts, I could really feel Butler s pain and suffering as she and her family went through this ordeal It s almost impossible to feel like you are ever doing the right thing Butler brings up the Buddhist concept of the second arrow which is a classic sutra where Buddha says that if someone shoots you in the foot, do not pick up the bow and a second arrow and shoot yourself again Don t try to argue with what has already happened Accept the pain and don t regret what has already happened This is the one thing I think I ll really take away from this book Remember to avoid the second arrow The pain of the process is enough. {Download} ⛄ Knocking on Heaven's Door: The Path to a Better Way of Death õ Knocking On Heaven S Door Is A Visionary Map Through The Labyrinth Of A Broken And Morally Adrift Medical System It Will Inspire The Necessary And Difficult Conversations We All Need To Have With Loved Ones As It Illuminates A Path To A Better Way Of DeathLike So Many Of Us, Award Winning Writer Katy Butler Always Assumed Her Aging Parents Would Experience Healthy, Active Retire Ments Before Dying Peacefully At Home Then Her Father Suffered A Stroke That Left Him Incapable Of Easily Finishing A Sentence Or Showering Without Assistance Her Mother Was Thrust Into Full Time Caregiving, And Katy Became One Of The Mil Lion Americans Who Help Care For Aging Parents In An Effort To Correct A Minor And Non Life Threatening Heart Arrhythmia, Doctors Outfitted Her Father With A Pacemaker The Device Kept His Heart Beating But Did Nothing To Prevent His Slide Into Dementia, Incontinence, Near Muteness, And Misery After Several Years, He Asked His Wife For Help, Telling Her, I Am Living Too Long Mother And Daughter Faced A Series Of Wrench Ing Moral Questions When Does Death Cease Being A Curse And Become A Blessing Where Is The Line Between Saving Life And Prolonging A Dying When Is The Right Time To Say To A Doctor, Let My Loved One Go When Doctors Refused To Disable The Pace Maker, Sentencing Her Father To A Protracted And Agonizing Death, Katy Set Out To Understand Why Her Quest Had Barely Begun When Her Mother Faced Her Own Illness, Rebelled Against Her Doctors, Refused Open Heart Surgery, And Instead Met Death Head On Knocking On Heaven S Door, A Revolution Ary Blend Of Memoir And Investigative Reporting, Is The Fruit Of The Butler Family S Journey With A Reporter S Skill, A Poet S Eye, And A Daughter S Love, Butler Explores What Happens When Our Terror Of Death Collides With The Tech Nological Imperatives Of Modern Medicine Her Provocative Thesis Is That Advanced Medicine, In Its Single Minded Pursuit Of Maximum Longevity, Often Creates Suffering Than It Prevents Butler Lays Bare The Tangled Web Of Technology, Medicine, And Commerce That Modern Dying Has Become And Chronicles The Rise Of Slow Medicine A Growing Movement That Promotes Care Over Cure Knocking On Heaven S Door Is A Visionary Map Through The Labyrinth Of A Broken And Morally Adrift Medical System It Will Inspire The Necessary And Difficult Conversations We All Need To Have With Loved Ones As It Illuminates A Path To A Better Way Of Death This investigative memoir delves into the experiences of a middle aged daughter navigating our Kafkaesque healthcare system and her own despair, anger, and ambivalence during her father s six year decline following a devastating stroke The central message of the book is that too many of us default ourselves and our loved ones into a medicalized labyrinth of tests, procedures, and futile measures that drain them and us of funds and dignity as we die Most tragically, we routinely miss the opportunity to engage meaningfully with family and friends at the end of our lives The author offers a prescriptive approach to avoiding this fate but for me the whole issue boils down to the challenge to a patient or loved one of saying no to the next test, drug, or procedure In the moment, the incremental cost of such measures seems trivial in comparison to the hope they provide You will have to face your fears and let go of denial and hope That is what it takes to give yourself or someone you love a chance at the kind of death our ancestors held in high esteem.